No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The feeling are messing with the penis
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
