I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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