I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
