I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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