apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He better not be in your backpack
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
