I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
