as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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