just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
