He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize