i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
