I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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