Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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