Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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