Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
