he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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