I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
