I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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