i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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