New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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