Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
