you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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