Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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