you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
