I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Randomize
