My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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