i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
