im about as happy as oj after his trial
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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