my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
