I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
