We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I need moral support for this bender
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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