tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
