so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
