She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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