Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
