i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Green mimosas i think yes
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Randomize
