it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
