i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
