I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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