Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
