never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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