The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
