We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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