we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
