I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
