yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
