Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
