you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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