One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
