So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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