dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
