I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
