she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
