a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
