You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
