capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
