I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
