She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
