I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
