So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
