was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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