we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize