***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
