she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
