He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
