i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
