1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
