his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
