If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She even gives head with a lisp.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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