Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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