There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
