my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
