I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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