I accidentally burped into my bong.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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