I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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