He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
