I think I died a long time ago.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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