if i can run in heels then i can drive
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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